Patton Oswalt once did a comedy bit about how celebrating birthdays becomes weird after you turn a certain age. And maybe he’s right. Turning thirty-nine certainly doesn’t pack the same punch as turning eighteen, twenty-one, or even thirty. That said, it’s no small miracle I’m still alive so that’s always cause for celebration. After all, I survived my idiotic teenage years, a worldwide pandemic, a small collection of car accidents, and that one time when I was a kid and a dude at an arcade tried to get me to go to his van where he swore he had quarters that I could use to play TURTLES IN TIME. I’m thirty-nine, dangit. Who woulda guessed?
This past year has been a momentous one. I had a graphic novel published and went on a twenty-plus city book tour. I left behind a job I loved deeply and started a new mostly similar (yet also completely different) career. I had some amazing adventures with friends and some stressful encounters with empty wallets. Most importantly, I got to spend the year with my incredible partner, Lucía. Getting to grow - both as an individual and as a partner - alongside Lucía has made this last year the best one yet.
I’m so grateful for everybody who’s reached out privately and publically today to share well-wishes. If you’ve left me a message on Facebook, please know I’d respond but I can’t. I am permanently locked out of my Facebook account due to the company’s ridiculous two-factor authentication policy and its stunning lack of customer support. That said, I have a burner account and can see each and every one of your messages and they have all made my day.
This past weekend, I watched the movie FLUKE with friends. The film, if you’ve never heard of it, was released in 1995 and marketed as a movie for kids. In fact, the only reason the movie was even on my radar when it was first released was because of an ad I saw for it inside the page of DISNEY ADVENTURES Magazine. I begged my parents to let me rent the funny animal movie.
“There’s a dog wearing shoes on the VHS cover!”
Let me tell you friends - FLUKE is not a movie to watch as a child.
The film, an adaptation of a horror novel by British novelist James Herbert, stars Matthew Modine as a man who dies in a horrific car accident only to be reincarnated as a puppy. Is there a POV shot of Modine’s spirit being pushed out of a canine vagina? You bet your ass there is. As the puppy grows up, he begins to have flashes of memories from his life as a human. Unable to process them, he trudges forward in his new life - not quite a dog and not quite a man. Finally, overcome with a lust for the life he feels was robbed from him, he traverses the country in search of his old family - only to find a wife and child who have seemingly moved on.
FLUKE is a story about regret - a dog who was once a man regrets the life he lost and tries to steal it back, despite being unable to communicate with his loved ones. FLUKE is also a story about change. The dog realizes that despite it being too late to be a father to his son or a husband to his wife - it’s not too late to enjoy the life he currently has. FLUKE is too heavy of a movie for a young child to enjoy but, for some reason, I have kept returning to the movie every few years since I saw it as a ten-year-old.
I am now on the cusp of turning forty - 365 days away, as of today - and I have finally grown into the movie that I have loved for so long. FLUKE is a North Star for me - a reminder to not take for granted the people I love and to never forget that there is always still time left on the calendar, even if you can’t control exactly how much. I’m thirty-nine, in love, and living my best life.
Thanks, friends, and thanks FLUKE.