My NACHO LIBRE story
AKA Probably why I'm not a journalist anymore
In honor of this weekend’s release of A MINECRAFT MOVIE, here’s a short story about NACHO LIBRE and director Jared Hess.
I was a junior in college when NACHO LIBRE was released in theaters and was serving as the entertainment editor for The Battalion, Texas A&M’s student newspaper. During my tenure as editor, I frequently got pitched press junkets and interviews with all kinds of cool artists. Our paper’s faculty advisor always strongly advised me against doing any press junkets - or at the very least, he warned against letting the studios fly me out to these junkets. Ethics in journalism were very important to him, and he tried his best to instill that importance in me. I remember going to him with an invitation to attend the world premiere of the 2005 THE AMITYVILLE HORROR remake and asking if I could accept the invitation of a free plane ticket and a stay in a world-class hotel. He gave me a stern look and asked if the movie was worth forever sacrificing my impartiality as a journalist and movie critic. Sorry, Ryan Reynolds and your Jesus abs. The answer was no.
Flash forward to the release of NACHO LIBRE, and I was offered a chance to participate in a roundtable phone interview with Jared Hess. No plane tickets, no hotel, no bribery. I was a huge fan of NAPOLEAN DYNAMITE and was looking forward to his follow-up film so I jumped at the chance to do the interview, before realizing I would be going into it blind. The studio would not be screening NACHO LIBRE in College Station before the interview.
It’s hard enough to interview somebody about a movie they made. Try doing it without having seen the film.
I’m unsure if this is how they still work, but roundtable phone interviews in the early ‘00s were painfully awkward experiences. You’d be on a conference call and would wait your turn as a small group of college journalists would lob softball questions about the movie. “What was it like working with Jack Black?” “Was it fun shooting in Mexico?” This was the job of an entertainment journalist, I assumed - asking what the funniest thing that happened on set was before turning the phone over to somebody who would ask the director who their favorite wrestler was. But it was not the job I wanted. I was raised on FLETCH novels and eBaum’s World. Button-pressing snark ran in my blood.
When my turn finally came to ask a question, I let loose with: “Do you think it was appropriate to hire Jack Black to play a Mexican character, considering how many funny Latino actors are currently working in Hollywood today?” As Hess stammered his way through an answer about Nacho’s canonical mixed-race origin in the film and Black’s status as a producer on the movie, I got an email from the film’s publicist with the subject line “STOP.” The message below the subject line read “This is not an appropriate question.”
Hess’s answer trailed off, and the questions from my colleagues began again. “What was it like working with a larger budget than NAPOLEAN DYNAMITE?” “Are we ever going to see a sequel to NAPOLEAN DYNAMITE?” “Did you stay in touch with the cast of NAPOLEAN DYNAMITE?”
It was my turn again.
“Did you use any cultural experts on set to ensure you accurately captured the real-life world of lucha libre?”
Once again, Hess stumbled over an answer about the film existing in a world just slightly left of reality and how it was a comedy, not a documentary. Once again, I got an email. Subject line: “SERIOUSLY. STOP.” No message underneath the subject line.
I was only able to ask one more question during the roundtable. They actually skipped over me a few times. I think the last question only happened because somebody made a mistake. Here was my chance. The line was in the sand. Was I Hunter S. Thompson or was I Jiminy Glick?
“Mr. Hess, if you were a topping on a nacho plate, what topping would you be?”
The interview, of course, was never published. I avoided that studio PR rep for the rest of my short career covering the arts. I liked NACO LIBRE a lot. I'd be a black olive.
I’m sorry, Jarred Hess. You seem like a cool guy. Good luck on A MINECRAFT MOVIE!